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I know...

Believe me, I know.

...

[Kaneda's never tried to do this before. For all the arguments, and fights they'd had, Kaneda never tried to find a way to take away his powers. He'd had chances, too. Like when he dragged Tetsuo all the way back to that junkyard.. he could have done anything. But... he hadn't. If he had, they'd never have this discussion in the first place.

Still... it's worth it to be perfectly clear, even if Kaneda probably knows it anyway.

He twists around to look at Kaneda.]

I'm not giving up my powers. If that's the only answer, forget it.

[Those words have a solemn finality to them. He'd rather be dead than defanged.]

[It might just be the only answer. It's certainly the only one he can think of--but then again, Kaneda was anything but an expert on how that stuff WORKED. He knew how to handle it--how to fight against it, and what to look out for...but when it came to knowing it inside and out?

That power wasn't meant for Kaneda. And he knew it. He couldn't understand it for the life of him.]

Giving em up? Not an option.

[He's both relieved, and surprised how unsurprised he is at that reaction. But.. it makes sense, doesn't it?]

Good. Figured you'd get it.

[After all, it wasn't like Kaneda was gonna voluntarily give up his bike or something.]

Buuuut...that leaves us with the hard part, finding another option.

[He turns to face Tetsuo, reaching over to loop a finger around that brace.]

Until then, you've got this.

[This time, there's no such ready agreement, or even acknowledgement. Instead, he seems a little too thoughtful.]

For now, maybe.

For now?

C'mon, you got any ideas? Cause right now, I've got nothing...I don't even know how this shit works...

It's not an idea. Just something I should've been doing all along, anyway.

[Tetsuo sits up, twisting around to face the door.]

The hell are you talking about?

It's not like you can just think away the pain. Believe me, I tried that in September.

Didn't work out.

It's not like that!

[It's like that. In a way, he's gotten a little cocky about this; it's not anywhere near as bad as it used to be, and he hasn't faced it as a never-ending horror in a long while. Not since January. However harsh the memory is now, it's just a memory; not an immediate reality to shy away from as quickly.

Instead of following that up with an explanation on how, he's getting up instead.]

Okay....

[Kaneda finally succumbs to the idea that they're not going to be sleeping for awhile, swinging his legs around and under him so he's sitting on the bed, one elbow on his knee and propping his chin up in his hand.]

So what IS it like. What makes it different?

[It's his fault. Maybe not entirely, but it's got to be that at least partly. That's what makes it different.

But he's not saying that. If he gets his way, he won't end up blurting it out later anyway. He paces a bit, meandering closer to Megalodon's tank.]

It just is.

[That's less of an answer and more of a standard attempt at deflection.]

Nah-uh. Not gonna hold up.

You're a bad liar, Tetsuo, especially to me. And 'It just is' isn't the full thing, is it?

[He leans back against the headboard of the bed, watching Tetsuo pace.]

Pain's pain. Ain't nothing gonna change that.

Something could!

Yeah, painkillers or that bracelet, maybe.

I'm sick of it, Kaneda! I'm not on that stuff anymore, I don't wanna be on this thing, either! I don't care if it hurts! [Yes he does. He hates being in pain.] I'm used to it! [That much is true.] I can still feel what it's doing even with this, it doesn't matter!

[Silence falls over him as he listens, letting Tetsuo get everything out before his face changes to something else entirely. Gone is the upbeat, playful sarcasm he had moments before, replaced with...

not pity...no, pity didn't look exactly like that. It's more...helplessness.

Why did Tetsuo choose the one thing he couldn't fix?]

It's a lot for a body to take--your powers, I mean.

[And what does Kaneda know about it? huh? But at least Kaneda's taking it seriously, and isn't looking down on him for it. That's.... something. Enough to take the bite out of his words, leaving it less a barb and more pure frustration.]

Yeah? You have no idea!

[And that's also true, though Tetsuo's not going to begin to try to explain it to him. Even if he wanted to, where the hell to begin?

He may have gotten used to it enough now, but can he really say that if he doesn't have the resonator to rely on? He'd like to say yes.]

But it's not like that's gonna change as long as I've got this on.

[And there it is. A mistake in his defensiveness. As long as he has it on - as if he COULD possibly do anything with it off.]

[It's true, he wouldn't know the first thing about dealing with that kind of pain--the kind that won't stop unless you force it down with painkillers. And even then, it's just a temporary salve to a burn.

The damage is still being done, isn't it?]

No idea at all....

[A soft admission, keeping quiet that he could imagine it from his screams alone. It's not the place for a comment like that.]

's not gonna change with it off, either.

Like I said, pain's pain.

[He brings up one knee towards his chest, resting his chin on it and watching Tetsuo. Right now, the boy's got the floor, and he's just the one giving feedback.]

It could change. Maybe not completely-...

[Understatement of the century. He cuts off, starts again.]

Look, I'm not gonna be wearing this for the rest of my life! It's not gonna happen!

[not 'the rest of his time here', like maybe that should have been.]

How?

How can you change it? I'm not--[the irony in this sentence.]--I'm not a mind reader, Tetsuo. You have to TELL me how this power works!

If there's a way we can stop the pain, we'll do it! But I've got nothing until you tell me!

I can't explain it! You gotta have it or not!

["I still have no fucking clue how this works and I've been studying it."]

I just know! [Wishful thinking.] It only hurts as bad as it does because I'm not good enough yet!

[....

....

He should have stopped talking a few seconds ago.]

[Well, that's not exactly solving anything, Tetsuo! He's about to bite back, sinking into their routine of shouting until something comes out--

When Tetsuo decides to take that step first. The sentence sinks into his mind like a cement brick in quicksand, face dropping and eyes widening.]

Good enough...?

...

[Okay, shock over.]

Good enough at WHAT?

[Not dying? Because they've both got pretty good track records for that!]

Nothing! Forget it, okay?!

[..his eyes leave Kaneda to flick to the door. He's halfway to it already...]

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