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[rassera]

"Oi, it's me. Leave something here, would ya?"

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[rassera]

[With a smile, his hand ruffles that hair, directing him towards the stairs.]

Off you go.

[As he moves to retreat to the kitchen once more.]

[amadaman]

[Ken moves slowly upstairs so he doesn't trip over a cat or his own two feet. Fortunately, there's no sudden crash or scream while he's gone; he's got some semblance of a hold of himself now, so he's able to navigate the shower safely. He'll come back downstairs in fifteen or so minutes, warmer and cleaner and a little bit calmer. He remembers to go to the coffee table instead of wandering aimlessly.]

Kaneda-san?

[rassera]

[By the time Ken makes his way back down to the ground floor, a bowl of food has been left on the coffee table as promised--two, actually, although one is currently in Kaneda's hands as he sits on the opposite end of the couch, feet propped up on said table and watching...some kind of samurai show.

He forgets which one. They all have something to do with honour.

The bowl consists of keihan, with chicken and mushrooms and egg sliced up, with vegetables and then rice underneath it all. Something simple and divided so Ken could eat a little bit of everything.]

Hmm?

[amadaman]

[It looks... normal. The way Kaneda is just sitting there and eating, the television blaring some show that'll run again next week, and the week after that. Like routine. But Ken knows well that even something like this could vanish in the blink of an eye. It's nighttime soon. If they go to bed tonight and wake up tomorrow, how many of them would be here?

He doesn't say anything. Just watches him for a few more seconds -- the samurai on the television yells and slashes at his enemy, who falls in a dramatic, flailing mess -- before he tears his eyes away, shaking his head and shuffling over. When he sits next to him on the couch, he sits just a little bit closer than usual.]

... Thanks.

[rassera]

[Kaneda notices, and watches as Ken makes himself comfortable on that couch, watching the way he shuffles closer to him than he usually did. It's not unexpected--he knew that Ken would need someone close to him.

But that doesn't mean Kaneda should draw attention to it either way.]

Didn't trip or anything, right?

[His eyes search Ken's face, both looking for new redness and trying to read it or anything underneath.]

[amadaman]

No. I was okay.

[That one fall was enough to jolt him into functioning enough for that. Instead of the proper manners he usually was adamant about -- keeping the bowl near the table, not slouching -- he picks up the bowl and draws his feet up on the couch as is most comfortable for him and starts to dig in.]

We were supposed to meet up today.

[rassera]

[At least Ken doesn't have to worry about impressing anyone--Kaneda's the trashbag with his feet on the table, anything Ken does is a step up from that. But seeing him eat is a good sign, and he can't help but let his shoulders relax a bit once he sees him start to dig in.

It's not much, but he can stop the poor guy from slacking on his basic needs.]


You'll just have to give him hell when he's back.


[He speaks so confidently...hoping that some of it will reach Ken.]

[amadaman]

[Even Ken knows he has to eat the minimal amount. He's not allowed to stop moving. He always has to keep moving forward, and Kala-Nemi is there to keep him going. He has no real desire to eat, still, but the food is good and he was physically hungry, so he eats. But while his eyes water as he does and little tears drip into the bowl, he stays silent, holding on tightly to himself because he isn't sure he could come back together if he fell apart right now.]

... Yeah. [His voice comes out strained and he takes a big mouthful of rice to avoid talking.]

[rassera]

[If Ken were ever worried about falling apart...well, an arm loops around those shoulders of his, hand securely on his opposite arm. A warm, almost TOO warm body presses close to him, hand moving up to run through that mess of brown hair.

Kaneda had certainly gotten touchy over these last few months, but a lot of it was because Ken needed it. And maybe because he needed a little bit of it too.]

Write him notes if you have to.


That usually always brings em back.


[He smiles, pushing his cheek against that hair as he holds his bowl with the other hand, swirling it idly.]


Worked with you.

[amadaman]

I might. I might... I dunno.

[He sniffs and finally raises an arm to scrub at his eyes. His face will be red from it, but Kaneda already knows he's crying.]

I hope they're okay.

[rassera]

[Kaneda's eating slows, stirring a little with his chopsticks as he tries to think of what to say. He can't guarantee anything--and Ken knows that.


There's a soft clearing of his throat, breathing out just a little bit.]

It's hard not thinking of what could happen or how long they'll be gone.

[amadaman]

[He doesn't want to cry anymore, here, so he quiets, sniffles again, and lowers his hand to grab his chopstick again. It's hard to tell if he's tasting anything, the way he starts to shovel the food into his mouth.]

If-- if I knew that they'd be fine at home, I would've been okay with them leaving.

[Heartbroken, yes. But... nothing lasted. He knew that better than he knew anything else. And at least they would be safe.]

Not knowing hurts.

[rassera]

[It's hard to watch, Ken only keeping himself up by his will to go on alone, with nothing left but the walls of a mostly hollow house.]

Yeah...

[But how does he bring a bright side to that?]

But not knowing that they'd be in trouble hurts more, right? I mean, you know that.


[He quiets again, not sure if that's...REALLY any better.]

It's something.

[amadaman]

They always talked about getting in trouble. They kept getting arrested here, too. They're stupid. They do a lot of stupid stuff.

But it was never.. they always acted like they'd be able to get out of anything, except that time.

[rassera]

They're more trouble than you are, and that's saying something.

[His face attempts a smile, but it's painfully forced as poking at his keihan.]

...Is it that bad?

[amadaman]

I know the feeling of facing an enemy and realizing there's no way to win. When you can't see anything but defeat...

We still fought, because we had nothing to lose. But Dipper and Mabel are different. They have... they have family that are waiting for them. Dipper said he missed their parents.

[rassera]

Doesn't that make 'em fight harder?


[He taps his chopsticks thoughtfully, resting his elbow on the arm of the couch.]

When you've got something you want to come back to...you don't give up. Especially those two.

[amadaman]

I know. But sometimes, sometimes you hit a wall.

Dipper and Mabel are strong! They're really strong... but they were normal. They were still somebody's kids. [They should be the ones being protected. Unlike SEES, or the Capsules, who didn't have anybody to turn to anyway.]

[rassera]

...

[He's got a point there. It's easy to fight when you're so used to knowing you could die any day.]

What are they fighting?

[amadaman]

They said it was a chaos demon. Someone with a big grudge on the family.

[rassera]

...A demon?


A real demon?

[He won't question its existence, he's the last one to deny supernatural things, but...]

No wonder you're spooked.

[amadaman]

Yeah.

We had to fight something undefeatable too, but Nyx was never evil.

[rassera]

Yeah...same for me. Aki-


[He stops right there, freezing in place, eyes widening.]

[amadaman]

...

[Usually, Ken would have something smart to say. Some thoughtful word about how he'd pretend not to hear anything. Some joke to ignore that anything was said.

This time, he can't find the hear to make either comment, or even to keep talking. There was a halt, but it was one that derailed the whole train.]

... I guess it's hard to say there's anything that's ever truly good, or evil.

[rassera]

[He appreciates the lack of...prodding. It hadn't meant to come out, and truthfully, as much as he WOULD trust Ken with it...Tetsuo was a very curious person. And should he find that out...in ANY way...]

Sorry.

[But he stirs his food with his chopsticks, thinking it over.]

I fought--well, I guess fight's not the right word--I saw something that was kind of like your Nyx. Not good or bad...people sure thought he was bad, though.


This guy, though...you think he is? The one from Dip's...