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[her mind immediately flashes to the worst conclusion when she sees those two words as the only response. and how could it not? Kaneda wouldn't have been the first to want to hold that information above her, not even in this world - Kangmo had blackmailed her for something so petty and he'd seen her resurrection in a memory.

still, it hurts. she'd wanted to maybe trust that Kaneda wouldn't do that, stupid as it was. she was too demoralized from the past week to stand up against this.

...still, Hazel has to at least try and beg for her autonomy.]

Please don't.

i need to know whats up with you everything that happened in the jungle tell me what im keeping secret

It doesn't have anything to do with you. I'm not hurting anyone, ok? Please don't ask that.

it doesnt have to be your life story just tell me why you dont bleed or why sabriel didnt kill you

It's just powers shit. Why is it such an issue?

[whenever she claims superpowers as the reason for her quirks she's really not lying, although Hazel has a feeling it won't satisfy anyone this time. still, she has to at least try and fight it. this line of discussion is how she loses people. that has never changed.]

you tell me if it was a power why are you hiding it

I never said it was a good one. This is how I lose people.

bullshit out with it

Are you going to talk if I don't?

[He could threaten that. He could hold it over her head and tease and tell her that if she didn't speak up, he'd run and tell the first person he saw.

He could.

But playing off insecurities like that...in such a malicious way...holding power over someone to get what you want...that's bullying.

And he hates that.]

no

[it's a good thing this is text. Hazel's already displayed an awful lot of vulnerability in this conversation, but her mental swaying upon receiving that answer is by far the worst. can she believe a statement like that? she wants to, very badly. Kaneda's put his ass on the line for people who objectively don't deserve it in the past...and he's called her a friend. she really wants to believe him.

but didn't he deserve something in return for that? it was hardly a reward, but surely there must be some worth in knowing what the ugly secret you were protecting was. Hazel's fear and guilt grapple with each other, fighting so hard she's pretty sure it'd spark a headache if she could still feel one.

she can at least give him a little understanding, some sort of morsel that allows Hazel a few more moments to think over whether she wants to spill the entire thing. that was fair.]

Sabriel ran me through because she can tell what I am and knew it wouldn't hurt me. I could've taken worse if I had to and it'd have still been the same.

[she doesn't want to think about it, but part of her hesitance lies in the fact that out of everyone in this group of acquaintances, she'd known Tetsuo first. in some way Hazel feels he deserves to know before anyone else - and she's not even close to ready to speak those words to him.]

[That was another thing. Sabriel was the one who did this to her, and he knew Sabriel's moral center pretty well. She never hid behind false opinions, and never took unnecessary risks. Doing this just to get to Pan wasn't out of irrationality. It was planned.

Sabriel knew.]

youre durable but not like me

[oh, Kaneda. if only you knew what Sabriel's 'moral center' guided her to think about Hazel.]

Yeah. I don't feel any of it, and I can probably take more than even you - something gets lopped off, I can just stick it back on.

[Maybe you should stop being a dead body then OHHHH]

(1/2) what (2/2) so thats why you dont bleed

Edited 2016-01-20 18:02 (UTC)

[everyone seems to get really upset when she tries to remedy that situation for some reason!!]

Pretty much. It'd be an even shittier power than it already is if I was fucking spewing blood everywhere when someone sliced off an arm, right?

guess you got me there wouldnt be much of a power if that happened why keep the secret tho its a lot easier to tell people so they dont freak out when youre stabbed you know

First of all I don't exactly make a habit of walking around and letting people use me as fucking lightning rods. This was kind of a special case.

And...it's not so much what I can do as why I can do it that's the problem. The less people know about anything the better.

[There's one more pause, as he types and retypes his answer. Some were attempting to pry further, others...especially what he ends up typing, don't.]

alright your secrets safe with me

Thank you.

[the gratitude is genuine, but it still feels a bit empty as a reply. Hazel doesn't have to explain herself further, but once again she finds herself wanting to. maybe she'd learned something from that now-dead relationship after all.]

I'm not shutting you out because I don't think you're my friend. You are, and I want to keep it that way. The people who know never stick around.

And...if I ever fucking spit it out, I think Tetsuo should know first.

[She can't see it, but there's a smile behind the feed.]

always gotta get the last word in dont you weve all got baggage even me doesnt mean i want to share it with everyone ill let ken know

[ugh, whatever Kaneda! you explicitly don't know her life!!]

Hey, how else is anyone gonna remember me?

And yeah, no shit. I just don't really get to make that decision in my own world, that's all.

[she'd say thank you again but that feels embarrassingly redundant for her. one is more than enough.]

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