[It's immediate. The colour drains from Kaneda's face, eyes widening as soon as he hears it. He knows damn well Tetsuo isn't talking about this place. He already technically had his birthday.
So that just leaves...back home.
His head turns away for a moment, biting his lip until he can feel the skin crack. Instinct by now tells him to shut down all thoughts of Neo Tokyo. To hide it from Tetsuo as best he could. It was for his own safety, after all.
But Rick told him that he needed to be open with him. That it was better to hear this from him instead of someone else. He wasn't wrong, either. He couldn't hold every secret from Tetsuo. Pan already had an idea, and who knows how long until he figures out the whole story.]
[If Kaneda was trying to deceive Tetsuo, his face certainly didn't show it--in fact, he almost looks confused himself. Like he's not sure what to think. Or maybe...he's not sure what happened exactly.]
[Kaneda sounds unsure. Kaneda never sounds this unsure of anything. That's what makes it hard to reject what he's saying outright; something seems weirdly off about the whole thing.]
[It's hard, judging how much you can give away. He wasn't going to keep things secret from Tetsuo for forever. But he could at least control when and where those secrets were revealed.]
It was hard to sort out in my head, when I got here.
That's what he wants to say, anyway. But can he really, after everything that's happened? He'd lied to Tetsuo the first day he arrived, as accidental as it was. It was before his brain had any time to process what had happened back home...that Tetsuo was simply in another universe, not gone forever.
Kai's question still rang in his ears. Kei's worry still heavy on his shoulders.
And now Tetsuo, who had no reason to trust his word on this, but he had to work for it anyway.]
When I get back...I'm gonna go find you. We all are.
[The picture Tetsuo has in his head is a far more optimistic one; it includes the whole gang. Kai. Kuwata. Yamagata. Everyone. Who else would that mean?
His brows draw down until his vision blurs, eyes little more than slits, mouth pulled down in a sharp line. After a shuddering breath, he pushes his luck just a little further, trying the question Kaneda never answered one more time.]
You said Neo Tokyo's gone - how? What's there to go back to? Kaneda, what happens?
He tries not to flinch at that, the poisoning thoughts starting to creep back into his psyche once more. He no more wanted to tell Tetsuo about it than think it. It was like permanently standing at the edge of a whirlpool. As long as you didn't dip your foot in, you wouldn't get swept away.
But at the same time, he can't leave Tetsuo in the dark. An arm reaches up, resting over his eyes as he breathes out, trying to calm himself. Trying to recollect the bricks for that wall he put up between himself and what lie back home.]
It's in ruins, just like the old city. I'm...not exactly sure what happened. But there was a big light.
[Questions tear at his mind, making it hard to focus on just one. A big light...? How did it get to be in ruins? Shit... His blood runs cold as his mind races, trying to piece together anything from that description.]
What are you talking about...
[And then, he's got a possible answer. A big light? No city? There's imagery he's seen that fits this. He tried to sculpt his mind to that before Thomas forced him not to.]
You mean it got bombed, don't you!? That's what you're saying...?
[Was it America. Is that - is that what happened?
No matter how much of a traitor his wrist made him, Tetsuo refused to believe Kaneda would sign right up with America if that happened. However jarringly different he seemed now, he... was still Kaneda, right? If his initial instincts were right, then the Kaneda Tetsuo knew really was gone forever.
Tetsuo tenses, then twists back around to search what he can see of Kaneda's face with wide, pleading eyes.
Tetsuo was willing to accuse Kaneda of a lot of things - including possibly only wanting him around as long as he was powerless - but he couldn't believe he'd go that far. And... there's one other thing that makes him wonder if there's more to it than his initial assumption, nagging at him. No matter how much Kaneda says now that it wasn't... he'd started off saying the opposite..]
Why - [Why everything? Why anything?] Why'd you blame me for it?
[His voice is hesitant, squinting at the ceiling as if he's trying to remember. Honestly it was still a blur in his mind. He'd been taken the moment he got back on his motorcycle. The light was destructive, but not painful, at least not where he was.
Hell, he didn't even know where he was when the light took over Neo Tokyo. Inbetween dimensions, and the kids were the only reason he was still walking.]
It was just...light. Energy, I guess. I leapt in after you, but you were taken somewhere.
[A hand runs through his hair, trying to piece this all out. After not thinking about this for months, shoving it down to the deepest parts of his psyche, it's just as much of a tangled mess as he remembers.]
[Do you know how insane you sound right now? Tetsuo's face clouds as he listens. Kaneda's never really talked like this before. Shit like this didn't happen back there.
Maybe it did here, but people had powers here.
Once, he used to think he could tell when Kaneda was lying. His voice would take on a honey pitch, his eyes go ridiculously sincere. Now, listening to him hesitantly say shit like it's out of some story, there's no way that Kaneda's being truthful. So Tetsuo can't even read him anymore.
His expression falls from hope to a wounded look.]
How can you possibly say that after talking about some light meant to take me away? What does that mean?!
[All the while he's trying to shove down the conviction that even if that was possible, there's nothing out there that would ever come for someone like him specifically. He's...just not that important.]
[Frustration is clear in his voice. His hands go to his head, palms covering his eyes as he tries to think. Everything happened so fast, and the things he remembers the clearest he can't say. Not here. Not yet.]
These powers you've got here--you have em back home too. They tried to stop you, and that white light came and took you.
[His face shifts around some as he tries to piece things together.
When he ran with Kaori, screaming at Kaneda to let him try to do something in his life, something happened. An all-too familiar flash of white pain, a resonating ringing in his ears as something struck his head like an instrument. Images...things he still can't piece together. Things he still sees in his dreams sometimes. And a voice... like something calling him.
It wasn't the first time. There'd been that examination...
Those powers he has...he wasn't sure where they came from. One more question to drive him nuts.
Now, he knew for sure. One slight bit of truth that corroborates Kaneda's crazy. He knows what he did with them here, how many fights he had. How many times it was life or death.
It's just enough that he takes this a little more seriously.]
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Do I turn sixteen at all?
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[It's immediate. The colour drains from Kaneda's face, eyes widening as soon as he hears it. He knows damn well Tetsuo isn't talking about this place. He already technically had his birthday.
So that just leaves...back home.
His head turns away for a moment, biting his lip until he can feel the skin crack. Instinct by now tells him to shut down all thoughts of Neo Tokyo. To hide it from Tetsuo as best he could. It was for his own safety, after all.
But Rick told him that he needed to be open with him. That it was better to hear this from him instead of someone else. He wasn't wrong, either. He couldn't hold every secret from Tetsuo. Pan already had an idea, and who knows how long until he figures out the whole story.]
I don't know. Maybe.
[It's soft, almost apologetic.
But at the same time, not no.]
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A hand runs through his hair, clenching it tightly and gritting his teeth.]
You're not dead.
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What...?
[What the shit - is Kaneda still lying to him? That's what that had to be..]
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I don't -think- so, anyway.
You just...went somewhere else.
It sounds crazy...
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What does that mean?
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It was hard to sort out in my head, when I got here.
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[He clenches his hand on the pillow]
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Tetsuo.
[The truth was hard, he knew that.
It's even harder to make up for past mistakes.]
The truth. Neo Tokyo is gone. You're not dead. And...
None of it was your fault.
[I'm sorry.]
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Are you really telling me this because it's true? Or because I want to hear it?
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[I wouldn't lie to you.
That's what he wants to say, anyway. But can he really, after everything that's happened? He'd lied to Tetsuo the first day he arrived, as accidental as it was. It was before his brain had any time to process what had happened back home...that Tetsuo was simply in another universe, not gone forever.
Kai's question still rang in his ears. Kei's worry still heavy on his shoulders.
And now Tetsuo, who had no reason to trust his word on this, but he had to work for it anyway.]
When I get back...I'm gonna go find you. We all are.
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His brows draw down until his vision blurs, eyes little more than slits, mouth pulled down in a sharp line. After a shuddering breath, he pushes his luck just a little further, trying the question Kaneda never answered one more time.]
You said Neo Tokyo's gone - how? What's there to go back to? Kaneda, what happens?
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He tries not to flinch at that, the poisoning thoughts starting to creep back into his psyche once more. He no more wanted to tell Tetsuo about it than think it. It was like permanently standing at the edge of a whirlpool. As long as you didn't dip your foot in, you wouldn't get swept away.
But at the same time, he can't leave Tetsuo in the dark. An arm reaches up, resting over his eyes as he breathes out, trying to calm himself. Trying to recollect the bricks for that wall he put up between himself and what lie back home.]
It's in ruins, just like the old city. I'm...not exactly sure what happened. But there was a big light.
That's where you got lost.
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What are you talking about...
[And then, he's got a possible answer. A big light? No city? There's imagery he's seen that fits this. He tried to sculpt his mind to that before Thomas forced him not to.]
You mean it got bombed, don't you!? That's what you're saying...?
[Was it America. Is that - is that what happened?
No matter how much of a traitor his wrist made him, Tetsuo refused to believe Kaneda would sign right up with America if that happened. However jarringly different he seemed now, he... was still Kaneda, right? If his initial instincts were right, then the Kaneda Tetsuo knew really was gone forever.
Tetsuo tenses, then twists back around to search what he can see of Kaneda's face with wide, pleading eyes.
Tetsuo was willing to accuse Kaneda of a lot of things - including possibly only wanting him around as long as he was powerless - but he couldn't believe he'd go that far. And... there's one other thing that makes him wonder if there's more to it than his initial assumption, nagging at him. No matter how much Kaneda says now that it wasn't... he'd started off saying the opposite..]
Why - [Why everything? Why anything?] Why'd you blame me for it?
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[His voice is hesitant, squinting at the ceiling as if he's trying to remember. Honestly it was still a blur in his mind. He'd been taken the moment he got back on his motorcycle. The light was destructive, but not painful, at least not where he was.
Hell, he didn't even know where he was when the light took over Neo Tokyo. Inbetween dimensions, and the kids were the only reason he was still walking.]
It was just...light. Energy, I guess. I leapt in after you, but you were taken somewhere.
[A hand runs through his hair, trying to piece this all out. After not thinking about this for months, shoving it down to the deepest parts of his psyche, it's just as much of a tangled mess as he remembers.]
You're really asking the tough shit, here...
[But he'll try.]
That light was meant to take you away.
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[Do you know how insane you sound right now? Tetsuo's face clouds as he listens. Kaneda's never really talked like this before. Shit like this didn't happen back there.
Maybe it did here, but people had powers here.
Once, he used to think he could tell when Kaneda was lying. His voice would take on a honey pitch, his eyes go ridiculously sincere. Now, listening to him hesitantly say shit like it's out of some story, there's no way that Kaneda's being truthful. So Tetsuo can't even read him anymore.
His expression falls from hope to a wounded look.]
Just admit you're not gonna tell me.
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[He turns to face him immediately, eyes widening with shock.]
I'm not making this shit up, Tetsuo...!
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[All the while he's trying to shove down the conviction that even if that was possible, there's nothing out there that would ever come for someone like him specifically. He's...just not that important.]
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[Frustration is clear in his voice. His hands go to his head, palms covering his eyes as he tries to think. Everything happened so fast, and the things he remembers the clearest he can't say. Not here. Not yet.]
These powers you've got here--you have em back home too. They tried to stop you, and that white light came and took you.
I thought it killed you at first.
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When he ran with Kaori, screaming at Kaneda to let him try to do something in his life, something happened. An all-too familiar flash of white pain, a resonating ringing in his ears as something struck his head like an instrument. Images...things he still can't piece together. Things he still sees in his dreams sometimes. And a voice... like something calling him.
It wasn't the first time. There'd been that examination...
Those powers he has...he wasn't sure where they came from. One more question to drive him nuts.
Now, he knew for sure. One slight bit of truth that corroborates Kaneda's crazy. He knows what he did with them here, how many fights he had. How many times it was life or death.
It's just enough that he takes this a little more seriously.]
Why don't you now?
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Why?
Because the government did it to themselves.
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