rassera | IC Contact

Because I'm the only one who CAN.

[Ken said so himself. 'Only you can do this, Kaneda-san'...and he was right.]

Because none of you deserve it, alright? Because everything's going the same damn path it did back home, and it's gonna end up at me.

Because I've got everything inside my head, and he'll kill whoever he wants to get to it.

Because I'm Kaneda.

what the fuck makes us so special you think youve got to handle this alone huh we look like we're that fragile ? if you dont TALK TO US idiot then yeah its going to be the same we werent there we're HERE get it ?

[This next part comes out pained, voice cracking ever so slightly.]

I can't talk about it, idiot!

why

[Part of him hates pushing like this. But... it's necessary. The cracking tells him that.]

[He shut the thought away after it happened. It was too horrifying to recollect, and too traumatic to want to even recall. He had nightmares, plenty of them since his arrival. Although his wake-ups were silent, unlike Tetsuo's screams. Sometimes he wouldn't fall asleep until 4 in the morning, waking up at 7. Sometimes he'd see that familiar white light that brought him out of the dimension in between worlds.

He couldn't because he couldn't put words to it. Tetsuo's scream for help, watching him mutate beyond all recognition, being caught INSIDE that...and even worse, having to fight his way out--shoot his way out of his best friend. Watch as building crumbled, watch as the three kids were the only way he made it out alive.

Listen for Kei's voice. Listen to her calling for him.

He has to fight back those thoughts before he replies. Those thoughts that no one but Tadashi could understand. And only because he didn't have to tell Tadashi.]

He's a damn psychic. The guy can read minds.

... Kid.

[He opts out of text here, for all his own fatigue, all failure, all the... everything so secured behind the mask, to come through. Suddenly 'old man' sounds a lot more fitting a name than before.]

Do you really think I care if that little shit sees what's on my mind? Maybe he'll see something he doesn't want to, and get blinded.

[It's an attempt at levity. An... attempt. And it's as flat as the screen he'd been texting from.]

[But he's not shying away from the thought. For once. And hopefully that comes across like he wants it to.]

With all the shit I've seen... he'll have a lot of sex and violence to sort out before he'll find anything useful. Knowing me.

...

I'm not afraid, Arvaarad. So don't make that call for me.

Dammit, Jiji.

[His voice lightens, even just a little bit at that. The idea of Tetsuo being blinded by one of Bull's more frisky nights...

There's slight comfort in that, if only a fraction.]

It's not -your- shit he's gonna be looking for...

[His hand runs through his hair, trying to collect his breath. Maybe text would be easier. But he can't get his point across in english text sometimes, so he hopes the translator can do a better job with what he wants to say.]

If I told you what happened back there, why he's like this, what happened to Neo Tokyo. He could find out by rooting in your brain. In Ken's brain. He'd see it, and he'd destroy the first thing his brain could grab.

And what's he already inside? YOU. Your brain would make GLUE look solid.

I'm not afraid either, but I'm not stupid.

[Even if Bull thinks he is.]

That's what he's going to see, first thing. Trust me.

[He wouldn't be so confident if it weren't for Cole. Half the time the kid found shit by accident -- buried shit. Old shit. And... suddenly he wishes Cole were here again. Maybe the Inquisition's own mind reader could help here.]

[But that's not important. Reassuring Kaneda is.]

You really don't think I haven't run into demons, or crazy mages back home who could do that kind of shit before? [He does everything in his power to keep anything like accusation or irritation out of his voice. Keep calm. Reasonable. Just a question -- not a demand.] I have. All of us in the Chargers have.

Not knowing what's going on here... that could be more dangerous than knowing.

I'm not asking you to tell Ken. Or Charlie. Or anyone else. I'm not making that call for them.

Just me.

[His breath quickens slightly, the thoughts starting to swarm back. The Olympic Stadium, the concrete falling on him, the mutation, Akira...

Akira.

No, fight it back down Kaneda. You've got to keep it together, for everyone's sakes.

Just me.

His eyes dart to the floor behind the feed, silent only because he's debating with himself. He wanted to, he wanted someone to just understand what the hell he was going through. But Tetsuo would want to find out. He would do anything to get what he wanted out of someone.

He cared too much about Bull to risk it--he couldn't risk it.

That's what he told himself anyway, as his mild panic seems to die down, steeling himself again. Someone had to know, Kaneda. Someone other than Tadashi.]

I...

[He's not holding information captive because he wants to, far from it, and it shows in the sheer pain in his voice.

It's because he's the sole gatekeeper of a greater demon, and one he's not sure he can survive should he let it escape.]

Not here. Not now.

[And that... is where Bull relents. Because things are adding up. Because he can hear the hurt in that voice. This is progress. He can see that. And there's no sense pushing too hard when it could break the kid.]

[He could. It's easy to see how to. But that isn't... that isn't who he is anymore. He might never be that again.]

[Oh well.]

Not here.

[He says it by way of agreement. And to confirm it. He's letting it go for now, but he sure as hell isn't going to drop it.]

[Not yet.]

Later.

[There's a wave of relief that washes over him at Bull's words. It's then that he realizes something. That this wasn't an interrogation, he wasn't being drilled for questions. Bull had done nothing but ask, and when he relented, Bull shut down the argument. A compromise of 'later' to hold them to each other's word.

Bull just wanted to know, and as much as he wanted to tell, he couldn't. Kaneda, known for being able to do anything, couldn't do this.

But sometimes, it's stronger to not do something than it is to do it.

At least until the right time.]

He wasn't always like this, alright? Just making that clear.

... Tell me about it later, all right?

[Hey, that's more information than before. But, all the same, he wants to make it very clear he's accepting stalling. That 'later' is a choice, and he's going to respect that choice.]

[It's more than he's had to go on before. And if Kaneda is telling him a snippet now... it looks like that trust isn't misplaced.]

Hey.

[A beat.]

How's the dog?

[Deliberate, obvious subject change. Also purposeful. I am honoring our agreement and no longer hounding you for information you don't want to give.]

...

With Ken.

Good place for him.

... smart. Sending him there.

hmm.

[Its a soft little affirmation. Just...appreciating that comment.]

you see we got a new one somehow? Large, white and red?

... He's a dog?

Holy shit.

I'm calling him Sausage Junior.

You didn't know?

[Bull his name literally has DOG in i--oh wait.]

The ears.

Nah. No idea.

I thought that was just some weird mutant thing.

Nope. Haven't found your kind yet, Old Man.

My kind?

Weird mutant things. You're still the only one!

[See he's trying to make a funny.]

Har har, kid. You're hilarious.

I'm laughing so hard you can't even hear it.

[That does get a small laugh out of HIM, though, a soft thump in the background of the feed of Kaneda leaning against his bed.]

I'm full of em.

You're full of something all right.

IC Contact

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject